Tele-miscommunication
by Javik2187
Summary: After escaping a doomed Cerberus vessel somewhere in the Hades Gamma Cluster, Commander Shepard and his squad crashed down onto a very strange earth-like planet with a mysterious past. Will Commander Shepard and his squad find out the true nature of the Teletubbies? Post-ME3. On Halt till determined time.
1. Chapter 1

Somewhere in the uncharted region of the Hades Gamma cluster. A Cerberus cruiser with many hull breaches and flames shooting out from the starboard side slowly dipped deep into orbit of a unknown planet.

"Com'on! This way, Shepard!" Garrus yelled.

"How long till the charges detonate?" Liara asked.

"Twenty five seconds. Get in the pod! Go! Go!." Shepard ordered, helping Liara T'soni and Garrus Vakarian into the Cerberus escape pod.

Strapped tightly into their seats, they felt the tight gravitational pull of the pod as it quickly ejected from the cruiser. Entering the atmosphere of the unknown planet, the pod crashed onto a flat grassland with tall grass and flowers that littered the vast landscape.

"Warning! Emergency self-destruct initiated!" The pod VI warned, promting the team to quickly escape the pod before it exploded.

Commander Shepard's squad quickly ran out in different directions as the pod exploded behind them. The explosion lighted up the night sky and the green grass around them started to burn brightly as the fire started to spread, then quickly extinguishsed itself. Quickly lifting himself off the grass, Shepard looked around wondering where Garrus and Liara were.

"You guys alright?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, we're good." Liara replied, helping Garrus off from the dirt.

"Shepard? Where are we?" Garrus asked, turning around to see the dark hilly landscape.

"I don't know. The only thing I'm wondering about is why Cerberus was in this uncharted region of the Hades Gamma Cluster. Anyway, we should get up to that hill to see where we are. There's bound to be something here we can find to contact the Normandy." Shepard replied.

"Shepard? What about that tower?" Liara asked pointing to a tall windmill tower with it's blades spinning.

"Huh? That's strange. Maybe there is a colony here we don't know of and it somehow survived the Reaper invasion. That could be a reason why Cerberus traveled here. For some strange reason my omni-tool is picking up a low EM pulse coming from that tower." Garrus said.

"I agree, Shepard. I'm curious of what that tower is. We should go over there and maybe explore the surrounding area." Liara said.

"Alright, let's go. I'm starting to see a small sunlight rising up from where my compass is pointing too...North? That's strange, the sun always rises to the east." Shepard said, looking at the compass on his omni-tool as he and his team continued to walk toward the windmill.

"Did you forget to re-calibrate your compass?" Garrus asked.

"No." Shepard replied.

"I'm getting it too, Garrus." Liara replied, supporting Shepard.

"Could be the magnetic poles on this planet are on it's sides. Like that planet in your home system, Shepard." Garrus said.

They continued to hike onward to the strange looking windmill, while the sunlight to the North continued to rise. As the sun rose up from the hill it made a loud baby-like noise that quickly made Shepard rise his fist into the air. "Hey did you hear that?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah...?It sounded like a baby laugh. Strange though, the only lifeforms I'm picking up on my visor is what you Humans call, rabbits and that's about it." Garrus wondered.

"There's that laugh again. Where's is it coming from?" Liara asked, hearing another baby laugh.

"Uhhh...I think I know." Garrus pointed out as the baby sun slowly rose from behind the hill.

"By the Goddess." Liara gasped.

"Hey, did Javik laced our water cantiens with LSD again?" Shepard asked, as he pulled out a pair of N7 aviator sunglasses.

"If he did, remind me to toss him out the airlock later." Garrus said grabbing his head.

"Can it see us?" Liara wispered.

"I don't know, but if we move quietly it probably won't see us." Shepard wispered.

Both Liara and Garrus silently nodded in agreement, then quickly and quietly rushed toward the large towering windmill. Getting there, they quietly sat down onto the soft grass to rest and relax from their run. The large baby sun continued to baby babble on and on as the white puffy clouds moved toward a southern fashion. Garrus scanned the strange windmill with his omni-tool, as Shepard and Liara shared a bag of trail mix while they watched the clouds moved along the blue sky.

"Garrus? Anything yet?" Liara asked.

"No, nothing. Not one blip, but I do keep getting short High Frequency pulses every five to ten seconds which is very very strange for a windmill." Explained Garrus, before sitting down right by Shepard.

"Which EM frequency?" Asked Liara.

"Right now, mostly Radio in the Ka band." Replied, Garrus.

"Ka band? Isn't the Ka band used for space communications. Hmm...Why would these windmills be transmitting in the Ka band frequency?*Munch*" Shepard asked while eating his bag of trail mix.

"I don't know...This planet is very strange." Garrus replied.

Shepard slowly rose up and streched his arms and legs for a few minutes as the baby sun watched him from above. He walked away from Liara who was busy reading a book on lost civilzations and Garrus is still looking every part of the towering windmill. "This should be a good place." Shepard thought to himself as he turned on his omni-tool and aligned it the radio to the Ka band.

"Mayday. Mayday. This is Commander Shepard brodcasting on the high frequency on the Ka band. My squad and I crashed down on a strange planet somewhere in the Hades Gamma Cluster after we've destroyed a Cerberus cruiser in transit with unknown intentions or mission goals. Danger is high. Cerberus forces may be in the area. Repeat." Spoke Shepard as he recorded the message on his omni-tool and pressed send.

 _"*Message Send Error.*"_ "Dammit." Shepard wispered, then pushed it to send again.

 _"*Message Send Error. Unknown EM field blocking communications.*"_ His omni-tool read.

Distraught, Shepard walked back toward the tower to sit back down and re-think his strategy, then something strange appeared over the hill right by a large grassy dome. He pulled out his binoculars and zoomed in closely to see a strange yellow figure playing with a red ball.


	2. Chapter 2: The Teletubbies

"Hey...Shepard?" "Shhhh! Get down!" Shepard interuptted Garrus.

"Goddess. What is that?" Liara wispered, carefully placing her book on the ground.

"I don't know, we may have found a new species of some kind." Shepard replied.

"What is that ontop of it's head? Some kind of antenna?" Garrus asked, looking through his detatched rifle scope.

"I don't know, let's keep watching." Shepard wispered.

They watched the yellow thing play around the dome building. A few minutes later three more appeared, in purple, green, and red. They were carrying toys and the red one was riding a scooter. Commander Shepard, Liara, and Garrus continued watching the strange aliens play around on the grass with their toys. Shepard and Liara shared the binoculars back and forth between each other as they watched the small aliens play. Using his scope, Garrus watched the red one play around on the pink scooter. He continued to follow the red one play around till he spotted a strange pipe-like thing tube coming up from inside a large flower patch.

"Shepard, there is some thing popping up from the ground. Do you see it?"

"Where?"

"Right over...near the red alien."

"The hell? What the hell is that? It looks like some kind of speaker."

"Let's see if I can scan it with my omni-tool. Damm...I need to be closer to get a better reading."

While Shepard and Garrus conversed with each other, Liara slowly moved up from the grass and started to pull out her notebook and a pen. She slowly started to draw the strange figures and made notes of their mysterious features.

"Strange beings. How did they survive the Reapers?" Liara quietly thought to herself, while looking at the strange aliens.

"Liara? Liara?... Liara?" Shepard asked, wondering about her stare.

"What?...Oh.. Sorry Shepard. I was busy drawing the aliens thinking about them." Liara replied.

"What were you wondering about?" Shepard asked.

"It's this planet...There's something strange about this planet. Of all the planets we've visited to, there's always a Prothean artifact or a monolith. There is nothing here, no mass effect fields, no dark energy, no element zero. Only a spinning windmill producing strange EM energy bursts every few seconds and a sun that's a human baby." Liara explained.

"Speaking of which. I've tried to send a message to the Normandy by using the Ka frequency band only for it to get blocked by some unknown EM field."

"That is strange. Maybe there's more of these windmills scattered around the planet producing the same EM field, but not this one." Garrus wondered, looking at the continuous spinning blades.

The Teletubbies continued to play around with their toys. The wind picked up a bit more causing the windmill to spin faster. Garrus's omni-tool started beeping notifying him about the windmill and the rise in EM energy. "Eehoo!" The Teletubbies yelled, catching the attention of Commander Shepard and his squad. Shepard looked through his binoculars to see the strange aliens quickly dropping their toys and started running to the hills. The aliens started laughing and rubbing their bellies as they rolled around on the green grassy knoll, then quickly got up from the ground and stood side by side from purple to red.

Shepard looked through his binoculars again to see the strange alien's attenas glowing and their grey areas turning into a spinning blue hue. "That is the strangest thing I've ever seen in my entire life." Shepard said.

"How strange?" Garrus asked.

"Very."

Garrus watched one of the alien's attenas glowing, then looked at the tall purple alien as his attena and belly glow, like he was choosen. Garrus zoomed in closer to see the blue swirling glow turn into a small video of Turian children waving hello on a playground.

"Guys. Look at his belly." Said Garrus.

"Okay, there is something definatelly strange going on here."

"I agree, Shepard. They're communicating with Turian children on the Citadel. How is that possible?" Liara asked.

"It has to do with something that windmill. That is an ongoing transmission from the Citadel to here. Maybe I can hack into the signal and send your message to the Normandy, Shepard. I don't know how long that transmission is, but we must do it quick before we lose it." Garrus explained, fiddling with his omni-tool.

Shepard hand glowed orange as he opened his omni-tool. "Alright do it. I'm sending my recorded message to you. Once you get it, hit send immediately."

Reciving Shepard's recorded message, Garrus hijacked onto the incoming Ka frequency transmission and hit send. He watched the little loading bar reach up to a hundred percent and gave Shepard and Liara a silent thumbs up. Indicating that the message went through and then continued to watch the rest of the video. After the video ended, Shepard stood up from the ground and streched, then proceeded to walk down the hill.

"Shepard, where are you going?" Liara asked.

Shepard continued walking down the grassy knoll as he replied. "I'm going to get some answers of what we just witnessed. Those aliens must know something and I'm going to see if I can at least talk with them."

"Shepard. We have to be careful with them. We don't know what they might do or what we might do to them." Liara cautioned.

"Look, I understand your concern Liara. I don't see any weapons laying around and they're obviously playing with toys. I promise I won't cause a diplomatic incident over a flatened beach ball." Shepard explained, picking the beach ball up from the ground.

Liara sighed for a second held her hand onto her forehead, then replied softly. "Well, okay. Just be careful Shepard."

*Ahem.* "Uhh...Hi?" Garrus slowly waved, giving Shepard a curious look.

"Garrus? Who are you waving at?" Shepard asked.

"Uhh...You might want to turn around."

"Why?" Shepard asked as he turned around to see the strange aliens standing and copying the waving movements.

"Eeeho!" They all waved and laughed at the strange newcomers who were standing in front of them.

"Uh...Hi. I'm Shepard, this is Liara and that is Garrus. Who..are you?" Shepard said introducing himself and the team.

"Twinky-Winky."

"Dipsy."

"La-la."

"Po."

"Um-hm." Shepard replied, holding his hand to his chin.

"But, who are you really?" Garrus asked.

There was no reply, just only giggling, babbling with oohh's and awe's. The strange aliens continued to touch Commander Shepard and his team, then La-la picked up the beach ball. "Play?" she asked.

"It's obvious they have some understanding of ruditmentary english, but they behave more like children than adults." Liara mentioned.

"You said it Liara, it looks like they want us to play with them too." Garrus said.

La-la tossed the beach ball up into the air as Po grabbed her red scooter to play with. Shepard, Liara, and Garrus watched them play until Twinky-winky walked up towards them. "Play?" He said holding out his hand in a greetful gesture. "Hmm...Why the hell not?" Shepard shrugged his shoulders, walking out to join the playful group while Garrus followed.

*Meanwhile...On the SR-2 Normandy.*

"Hello, Normandy pilot. I've seem to misplace my giant tarantula, have you seen it?" Javik asked.

"No Javik. Please call me Jeff or Joker and stop calling me 'Normandy pilot'. If I do see it, I'll make sure to scream." Jeff replied.

A blood curling scream rang out from the AI core, grabbing both the attention of Javik and Joker. Tali Vas Normandy stormed out the med bay in rage. "It appears the Quarian may have found it." Javik laughed.

"Laugh all you want you little bosh'tet! Go get your spider!" Tali cried.

"Heyyy? Is everything alright? I heard screaming." James asked, walking out the elevator."

"Yeah. Tali found Javik's giant tarantula spider chilling in the AI Core. EDI is calling me, I'll talk with you later. Yes EDI?" Jeff asked, walking into the elevator.

"Jeff. I've detected a strange signal transmitting from somewhere in the middle of the Hades Gamma Cluster. It's a strong high frequency radio transmission in the Ka frequency. Playing message." EDI said.

"I'm here, EDI. What did you find? If it's a message from the robot overlords about computing pi, I don't want to know." Jeff laughed.

*"Mayday. Mayday. This is Commander Shepard brodcasting on the high frequency on the Ka band. My squad and I crashed down on a strange planet somewhere in the Hades Gamma Cluster after we've destroyed a Cerberus cruiser in transit with unknown intentions or mission goals. Danger is high. Cerberus forces may be in the area. Repeat."*

"Ohh...Nevermind. Where did you say you found this?" Jeff asked.

"I've detected it coming from inside an uncharted area of the Hades Gamma Cluster. Plotting course." EDI replied.

"How long will it take?" Jeff asked.

"The Mass Relay in the cluster is still under repair. Transit to the uncharted location will take about a few days." EDI replied.

Joker pushed a few buttons on the console in front of him. The Normandy's mass effect core reved up in power and glowed in a blue hue. The Normandy turned and jumped into deep space on their way to Commander Shepard's location in the Hades Gamma Cluster.


End file.
